Writing.

This is just going to be a ranting post. Sorry.

Okay, so today I found out that the author of Popular is only 15. Some of my writing idols were young when they got their debut published (Amy Zhang- 18, Alice Oseman-19, S. E. Hinton- 19, Veronica Roth- 22), but this just makes me feel so crappy. She wrote it when she was 13 and it was on the New York Times Bestseller list. (I am applauding you, I just have jealousy issues.)

I have been trying so hard since I read Divergent to be the best writer that ever lived. I have written, like, four full length novels, all of which were crap, but whatever, in addition to a million zillion partials that were going no where, or I didn't know how to write, or was scared to. I have followed all the writing tips, I have written thousands of words in a day, I have tried not to put pressure on myself. I OWN 30 UNREAD BOOKS BECAUSE I WANTED TO GET A VIEW OF DIFFERENT WRITING STYLES.

I HAVE DONE EVERYTHING THAT I CAN POSSIBLY THINK OF TO DO TO MAKE MYSELF A BETTER WRITER AND I HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING WITH IT!!!

I HAVE BEEN TRYING SOOOO HARD FOR SO LONG!!! AND I KNOW THAT I'M NOT VERY OLD, BUT IT STILL MAKES ME FEEL LIKE I'M FAILING AT LIFE AND SHOULD JUST GO INTO SOME OTHER FIELD!!!

(I should probably just rant to one of my friends or something, but whatever.)

AND WHENEVER I HEAR PEOPLE TALKING ABOUT WRITING I ALWAYS THINK THAT I'M BETTER THAN THEM, BUT I'M TOTALLY NOT BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE IMPOSSIBLE. THEY'RE JUST AS GOOD, PROBABLY BETTER, BUT IT'S MAKING ME FREAKING PISSED OFF!!!!

If I keep ranting I will probably start crying and calling myself pathetic.
I should probably go talk this out. I'm not going to.

I am totally fine with J. K. Rowling writing Harry Potter, and I am so cool with Suzanne Collins writing The Hunger Games, I am willing to sit back and enjoy all of Lauren Oliver's books. But what I can't stand is people being a person before I will be.

I don't have to write the best book of all time, I don't even have to write a book that multiple people read, I just need to write a book that makes someone happy. I need to write a book that people will tweet at me saying how much they love it. I need to write a book that will help me with my college application.

I JUST NEED TO BE A SOMEBODY! I CAN'T BE NOBODY ANYMORE!! I'M SO DONE WITH PEOPLE REFERRING TO ME BY THE CLOTHES I'M WEARING!!!





So, for future me, please look back on this when you're feeling terrible about yourself.